Please note this article was originally published while this publication was called Funland.
SUMMARY
WHO? Cazeleōn, Beth Graham, Alice “Dairy King” Morgan-Richards, Georgia Leila Stoller, Rachel Blaquière and a special appearance by Leticia (Delish) Weinman.
WHAT? Offie Commendation-winning one-act play, All The Fraudulent Horse Girls
WHERE? The Glory
WHEN? 8th October 2023
WHY? Director Charles Quittner cordially invited me to review this show, and for that I give them love x
REVIEW
“Horses are the glue that bind us together!”
All The Fraudulent Horse Girls is a one-act play about an 11-year-old Australian girl called Audrey. She’s passionate about horses and enjoys consuming media (The Saddle Club, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron) about it. Audrey also believes that she can communicate with all the horse girls around the world telepathically, filling a void because her one IRL-horse-girl friend has become gravely ill. Not to mention, her night-time reading of Cormac McCarthy’s All The Pretty Horses is changing her brain chemistry…
Upon arrival to the basement, audience members were given strawberry cheesecake-flavoured, possibly non-Hershey-brand Kisses, which were divine and also got me thinking of Nikki Webster. Lo and behold, once lights were down, out popped Cazeleōn galloping along to “Strawberry Kisses” like I’d imagine every girl growing up in the landscape of early-00s Australia to.
Playing Audrey in three distinct stages of monologue are Cazeleōn, Beth Graham and Alice Morgan-Richards (better known to you and me as Dairy King):
- Cazeleōn is the defining Audrey – able to fully convey that in-your-face energy of a probably neurodivergent tween obsessing over her special interests. (I’ve been there. A lot.)
- Graham is the immersed Audrey; a horse girl as a cowboy, acting out her fantasies of living in the world of All The Pretty Horses, as the protagonist John Grady Cole riding the horse, John Grady Cole. This segment provided the most laughs from the audience, so make sure you get a seat near the bar for the full experience!
- Dairy King is the meta-Audrey, with their pitch-perfect Australian accent adding sympathy to both Audrey’s reality and the play’s supposed message.
Providing nostalgic musical cues via her Roland RD-700 is Rachel Blaquière, with Georgia-Leila Stoller accompanying her on saxophone, guitar and the funniest moments in the show (Trust me. Without saying anything more, she’s a triple threat). Both also appear alongside a double-dutied Dairy King as horse mean girls; Hannah, Bella and Brandi. Making a surprise appearance leading Audrey’s climactic mind-chorus was Lipsync1000 finalist-turned-stage-manager Leticia Delish – other names filling their duties during this run include performers Charlie Wood and Crusty the Clown.
Technically, I must applaud Michael Louis Kennedy’s relatable writing style, focusing on the unexpected and leaving the cheap pops (yay, ketamine!) till the end. Charles Quittner(‘s dog) proves to be an engaging director, almost flawless if not for the fact that, as I’ve said above, my recommended view was one only partially showing some of the more rousing scenes. My biggest compliment about Quittner would have to be their ability to force audience participation like a knife of enthusiasm through butter. I also have to big up Tias Volker’s lighting cues – especially when there’s lack thereof. I’ve never seen The Glory this atmospheric before.
My major nitpick (and it’s definitely a Neil DeGrasse-Tyson size nitpick) about this play is the consistency of the pop-culture references. For example, when Audrey was six, she got a bunch of Saddle Club VHS tapes – but now, age 11, she’s all in the know about Scarlett Johansson’s 2014 sci-fi semi-failure Lucy. If this is set in 2014, the year Lucy came out, I can justify Audrey getting Saddle Club tapes in 2009 if her household was a certain, austere standard of working-class. But all this timing does seem a bit off.
Plus, I know that Graham’s Audrey is supposed to be having the mindset and manners of John Grady Cole, but having two Australian accents bookend Graham’s Southern American drawl also seems a bit dodgy to me, even though I’d imagine that doing a Southern American accent on top of an Aussie accent would be like spinning twelve plates on your head while riding a unicycle on a tightrope.
Spotted in the audience: Margo Marshall and Chiyo, Envy, Dani “my former boss” Dinger and Robyn Herfellow from the Trashettes. Lucia Blayke was lipsyncing to one of Annie Lennox’s better efforts (i.e. something that wasn’t God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen) upstairs, but goodness knows if she and Hellikisto. who was also upstairs, saw the play.
VERDICT: 4.5/5
It’s funny, it’s fuzzy, it’s set in two different time periods at the same time – and I’m not even talking about the Wild West. But suspend any disbelief – I’d still highly recommend it!
Catch All The Fraudulent Horse Girls at The Glory on October 15th and 16th! If you can’t make it, rent the 2000 adaptation of All The Pretty Horses on Google Play/YouTube/Amazon Prime and *believe*.
